Packed and ready to go

Tomorrow I leave to go up north to Amy and Ray's wedding. I saw my oncologist yesterday and he told me I was getting fat. God Bless him...he just doesn't know how to talk to a woman does he??? The fact that I am getting fat means that I am getting healthy so I am going to take this as a compliment. My blood work (really low white and red blood cells) is still way below normal and I have some sort of skin infection. He prescribed antibiotics and antifungal medication. He then gave me his blessing to travel and told me to have a great time at my daughter's wedding. To be honest, there is nothing that can keep me from going to my daughters wedding short of being strapped unconscious to an ICU bed.

I am planning to take lots of pictures. Will be back home on the 28th of October.

Thanks to everyone for your prayers.

Love,

Margaret

Wedding is all I think about.....

I talked to Amy for 2.5 hours on Friday night. We talked about wedding stuff but also talked about all sorts of interesting things, people, events. You would think we hadn't talked for years we had so much to say to each other. She says her dress is done except she isn't happy with the gathers where the overlay of the lace and the lining attaches to the bodice. She says it makes her look like a giant marshmallow. However that didn't seem to bother her....she was going to tear out the lining and them reattach it a different way. Amy seems so calm. I would be "freaking out" if my dress was not done a week before the wedding and if I didn't think it looked right. Amy remains confident that she will get it right. Here are some cool things about the wedding. BTW: All of the below have been decided by Amy and Ray
1. Amy's Dad and I will walk her down the aisle
2. The ring bearer is Ray's cute 2 year old Nephew and the flower girl is a Amy and Ray's chihuahua "Jasmine" (complete with her own dress)
3. The walking down the aisle music will be Spanish guitar (which I love)
4. The wedding venue is outside in the Santa Cruz Mountains (LOTS and LOTS of trees a cool little house and pond)
5. The banquet will be Mexican food and prepared and catered by my son Rich and served with the help of his friends
6. There will be a Mariachi (sp?) band entertaining while they do the pictures (Ray and his family are of Mexican heritage)
7. Amy and Ray's first dance will be to "Danny's Song" by Loggins and Messina
8. Amy and Ray are being married by one of Amy's good friends Nenna
9. The party favors will be characatures of all the wedding guests done by one of Amy's artist friends
10. There will be crochet, botchie ball and horseshoes to pay on the lawn
11. There will be cakes, pies and other desserts for the guests (our family is big on desserts)
12. The dress is casual dressy ( No ties for the men, woman can wear pants suits or dresses if they like)
13. The main idea is to have a Kick Ass party as well as a wedding.

LOVE IT!!!

Amy has done this all on her own. I am so proud of her!!!

I dreamt last night....

that I was running through the city. I was running so fast and had such a long stride that I could jump between the streets. I ran across the city and was never tired. I was so strong. At times, it almost seemed like I was flying because my strides were so long and so high. I ran down to the beach where a storm had just past and the skies were clearing. There I met my daughter and all my extended family. I hugged everyone and they hugged me. I was crying with happiness because I was alive and was able to see my daughter married. Then I woke up with tears streaming down my face.

I had to get out of the house

I couldn't stand being cooped up in the house any longer. I was going crazy!!! I left the house at 11:30 this morning and didn't come back until 5:30. I drove up to Ramona (1/2 hour from my house) and hung out at the barn and spent some time with my friends. It was really nice to be out in the fresh air. I had an interesting experience. I wanted to play with my horse so I started to run to chase him. It was just an automatic physical response to being outside and feeling happy. In the past, I am used to thinking run and my body runs. My body ran for about 1 minute and then my legs gave out. They just started to collapse. I was so shocked. I had forgotten that I have been in bed most of the time for the last 9 months. I am so used to having command of my body. It is weird to have your brain say go and then your body just give out. I think there is a message there....."Take is slow Margaret"

Don't have much to talk about..

I have been exhausted for the last 4 days. I couldn't get out of bed most of the weekend. I forced myself to get out of bed today and worked on getting some stuff together to give to the disabled veterans when they come on Wed. It is nice that the weather has changed. I like the coolness and grey skies. I am looking forward to some rain tomorrow evening. There is nothing better than listening to the rain on the roof and smelling the moist air. I talked to Amy over the weekend and she has her wedding dress almost done. She seems very relaxed and confident that the wedding plans are going very smoothly. The only wild card is the weather. The wedding will be outside so we are hoping for nice blue skies. She is looking forward to my coming up to San Jose. I will fly up 3 days before the wedding. My brother Rich and his wife Bonnie will be taking those 3 days off so we can all help her with last minute details. All the family is looking forward to this event!

Facing More Surgery

I saw my surgeon today and unfortunately I was right. This problem is going to have to be corrected surgically. The exam was really nerve wracking. Just when you think you have endured every conceivable exam in every conceivable orafice....they come up with new indignities. I won't go into detail, but even the nurse looked at me afterward and said "EEEWWW". The surgeon said he had never seen anything like this before (and he looks to be about 60 yrs old). He apologized and said he was sorry this has happened. I showed him my blood work and he agreed I did not have enough of an immune system and was too anemic to endure surgery right now. He told me to go enjoy my daughter's wedding and then meet with him when I come back. They will look at my blood work and decide when to do surgery. I am so numb to this whole thing. I don't even feel anything right now. He is unsure if he can do the repair via laparascopy or will have to open me up.

Thank God for my 30 mg of Lexapro/day. Even though I know this should really bother me....it keeps me from getting depressed and keeps me from crying my eyes out.

Good New/Bad news

The good news is that the last 3 days I have been feeling so much better. I can get out of my bed and do stuff like walk one dog (short distance) cook and bake. Today I drove out to the barn to watch a saddle fitting clinic that was quite educational. I snuggled with my mare and talked to my stallion (mostly about not biting me) which he did only once today.
The bad news is that I am quite sure I am going to need more surgery. I have been having some problems with my ostomy that have been disoncerting. I talked with the surgeon a few months ago and he dismissed my problem as "normal". I am seeing him next Tue. and was trying to get a strategy in place so that he would really hear to me. My strategy was to see the hospital ostomy nurse and see what she thought of the problem. If she thought my issue was normal then I would learn to live with the problem. If she agreed there was a problem, then she would go to the surgeon on my behalf. The surgeon and the ostomy nurse have a good relationship. After observing my ostomy, she agreed that I have a problem and one she had never seen before..... OH LOVELY!!!
She is going to go with me to my appointment on Tue. and advocate for my cause. It is a shame it takes so much work to get the medical care I need but that is the reality of being sick. I also want to add that this particular surgeon is a really nice guy and really compentant surgeon....I have just had some bad luck. I am glad I feel well enough to take care of things. I don't even want to think about more surgery....perhaps there will be another way.