Believe!!

I was in pain and very afraid last night. I prayed (from my heart not from my head) and this is the message that was sent to me very clearly. The message was "Believe". I need to believe that I am healed and that I am fine. The life lessons continue even though I want to stop and take a break. I do believe there is a purpose to what I have gone through. I need to let go of the past and embrace the future what ever that holds. It takes a lot of faith and trust to embrace the unknown. I loved my life before I got sick. But I couldn't go back to that life even if I was physically able. The very core of who I am has changed too much. My Dad and I talked about this (a lot) when he was staying with me. I think I was petulant and angry when he kept suggesting the future will be better than the past. I try so hard to hold onto what is familiar rather than move forward towards the unknown. I have thought of myself as person who embraces change. I guess I don't mind change in my external environment but I am very resistant to reprogramming myself from the inside.