Wednesday Sept 22nd

Beautiful day in San Diego. Fog in the morning and sun shine in the afternoon. Have doors and windows open and am enjoying the breezes. Derek has left me "home alone" to go back to work today. So it is me and the doggies. I have been able to go downstairs and fix my breakfast and lunch. Most of my time in spent in bed. I am in a lot of pain but it is the pain of healing and not the pain of illness. There is a big difference living with a pain you know will get less and less and finally go away. My brain is still so confused from the drugs and horrible illness that made me want to just give up. I can't remember what day it is and keep thinking we are in Oct not Sept. I see the surgeon tomorrow. Derek is going to go with me. We are both going to push him to explain to us what went wrong and why couldn't they fix this problem the last 3.5 years. We get the impression that the Doctors might be trying to protect each other and minimize the reality of what happened. I am not interested in suing anyone. I just want to understand what has made me so sick and how it was fixed. I don't think that is too much to ask.