Who is bigger.....Fergus or Bean???

I am in love with these two Mini Horses. They are very calm and smart and walk along side you just like a dog. Aren't they the cutest!!! I had to take a picture of Fergus next to Bean to show how small these little guys are.

Hmmm.....I wonder if I could convince Derek to get a mini horse instead of a third dog??? I wonder what the neighbors would say??? I have heard these Minis can be used as seeing eye animals and can be house broken.

PET SCAN--Results mostly good

Derek and I were trying to be calm today as we waited in the oncologist waiting room. Dr. Banerjee invited us into his office. My first words were "What are the results?" He says I don't know....I haven't looked at the PET yet (ARGH!!). So he fussed with his computer for what felt like about 10 minutes before the scan came up. Derek said "just go the comments section so we can read the radiologists results!" Derek and I are standing over Banerjee's shoulder holding our breaths as we all 3 try and read the results and recommendations section of the PET Scan.

The good news is that the cancer has not spread to any parts of my body. However the Scan did pick several spots in my upper rectum. This is where the second recurrence appeared two years ago. These spots are in the zone of the radiation that in combination with chemo killed a very large tumor 2 years ago. Often recurrences appear outside the radiation zone, so I think this is a good sign. Soooooo....Derek and I ask "what's next????" Banerjee says that I need to go see the colorectal surgeon and have a multiple biopsies done on the various spots. Banerjee believes the spots will turn out to be nothing and he has been right in the past. I hate the thought of going through more rectal "indignities" but I think it will turn out to be nothing.

I am so grateful to all of you for your prayers and healing thoughts.

PET SCAN......canceled and resheduled

I guess the bad weather has caused some problems with the instruments or power at the imaging center at Scripps. I was called this morning to let me know the scanner was not working. I have rescheduled my scan for next Tues afternoon. I feel relief that I have a few more days of ignorance about my future health.

PET SCAN scheduled for Friday 1/22

I have been putting off scheduling my 6 month PET scan. Right now I am starting to feel better, move around, play the piano and visit with my friends. I am once again harboring hope that I will be healed and free of this horrible disease. Now that the scan is scheduled, I will be faced with finding out if the cancer has returned or if I am cancer free. I have no preconceived notions of what the news will be. I will not be surprised which ever way it turns out. I can hope for more healthy years and dream about seeing my great grandchildren but it will be as it is meant to be. It is my wonderful family and my dear friends support and love that enable me to deal with what ever the outcome.

You all give me such strength and I am forever grateful for your love,

Margaret

Ally is reunited with "Joy"

AHHH.......I love these pictures
Ally has not seen her beloved equine friend for almost a year as Joy was relocated to N. Calif. with her owner Carrie. Joy has come back to S. Calif to be a Mommy and will be staying permently. Yes of course Joy remembered Ally. There was a lot of snuggling by both parties.

I just love a happy ending!!!

Amy left today....

I am going to miss her terribly. The dogs knew something was up when she packed her bags and put them by the door (They really enjoy having guests). I feel like I was able to get some food into her and that she left in much better shape than when she arrived Christmas day. She approaches the end of her first trimester next week. We are both hoping that she will feel really good and be able to go back to work for a few months. I hope she can come back for another visit before the baby comes.

Spider Man visits (aka....Nicholas)

1. Spidey poses for picture
2. Spidey lets me wear his glasses
3. Spidey goes through the dog door
4. Spidey's Mom (aka Deb) and me

It's amazing what a difference a week can make

I am feeling so much better than last week. It has taken me a over 6 weeks to even be able to get out of bed. It seemed like an eternity. Now I am on the road to recovery. Amy is still with Derek and me. She is feeling pretty miserable but it has been nice to have someone to focus on beside myself. It has also been great to have someone to keep me company during the day. Amy feels the same way as she has been unable to work the last 2 months and has been spending time alone in her home in N. Calif as her husband works long hours. It has been wonderful to spend time together. Once the baby comes we will no longer have the opportunity to have all this time together. She is leaving to go home next Thursday. She misses her husband terribly. I hope we can spend some time together shopping for baby stuff once she if further along and feeling better.

I just want to thank everyone for their prayers for me. I am on the mend.

Made a Big Decision.....

I have been agonizing over what to do about my stallion. I bought this beautiful horse with the dream of competing and winning. Riding and handling a stallion takes a lot of talent and finesse. I was so excited about learning yet another aspect of horsemanship and moving my riding up another notch. That was my dream two years ago.

Lately my heart has been telling me that this dream isn't meant to be. I kept hoping that I would get better, that I would regain my strength and be able to continue where I left off 2 years ago. This last surgery and its complications have made me realize that I will never be the person I was 2 years ago. I no longer have the strength, endurance and balance. It is not safe for me to ride and handle a stallion with all that has changed. This morning I made the decision to sell Capote. It is not an easy decision but it is a sound one.

One of the hardest parts of a chronic illness is accepting and loving the new person that you have become. Try not to look at what you have lost but look at what you have gained.