Getting ready for my surgery tomorrow

Today was kind of a weird day. I kept myself very busy so I didn't have to think too much about my surgery tomorrow. I went to the book store to get some books and then packed my hospital bag. I have done this so many times, I know exactly what I will need. Ear Plugs are #1 on the list. I have had so many hospital roommates that snore like long shore men. One time it was so bad that the nurses moved me to another room in the middle of the night. #2 on the list is nice smelling shower gel. The smell of the soap in the hospital just turns my stomach. I hope I don't have any male nurses. In my experience, male nurses are rough and don't have a nurturing spirit. I am sure there are exceptions but I don't like being taken care of by men.

My surgery is at 7:15 AM which will be the first surgery of the day. I picked that time so that I didn't have to go all morning without drinking and also there would be no chance of a delay. I have to be at the hospital at 5:30 AM. I probably won't sleep tonight. Luckily my Dad sent me a really good book. It is about a woman who escaped from Warren Jeffs polygamist commune in Colorado City. This book is so strange and disturbing that I can't put it down. Who would have guessed that there are communities of women in this country that are enslaved just like in Saudi Arabia. What is even stranger is that that many voluntarily put up with such treatment.

What I did on my Thanksgiving Vacation..part 2

I decided to create my own Fresh Water Plant tank with tropical fish. Most of you know that Derek is a big fish person. We currently have a 160 gallon Salt Water Reef Tank in our family room. Derek has had many fish tanks during our marriage. At one time, we had 3 huge fish tanks. There is this Japanese man who does this beautiful "aquascaping" of Fresh Water Plant tanks. I have always admired his work as Derek bought his book about 14 years ago. I decided I was going to do my own fish tank. I put it in our bedroom so that I can watch the fish from my bed. I thought that would be really cool when I got out of the hospital and was bedridden for awhile. Here is documentation of this process. Derek helped me out a lot....although me did make me a bit nervous

What I did on my Thanksgiving Vacation..part 1

1. Rode my stallion (for 10 min & then was exhausted)
2. Made Colonial Game Pie....wonderful

Baby Dream

In my dream, there appeared a very beautiful baby boy who looked to be about 10 months old. He tottered over to where I was standing and grabbed hold of my leg and looked up at me. He had big brown eyes, full lips and curly brown hair. He put up his arms to indicate he wanted me to pick him up. I picked him up and he folded his arms around my neck and hugged me. I felt a very intense love for this baby even though I knew he was not my own. Throughout my dream we were together, laughing, hugging and playing with each other. When I woke the next morning, I couldn't stop thinking about this baby.

A fews days latter it occurred to me......I wonder if I had just met my future grandchild!!

I can't believe it is almost Thanksgiving

November has flown by and Thanksgiving is this coming Thursday!!! Derek and I will be "home alone" this year. Derek requested Colonial Game Pie for dinner rather than making a turkey for just 2 people. Colonial Game Pie is a Recipe from Colonial Williams burg. The original recipe consisted of venison, wild boar, and duck in a port wine/current jelly sauce and then everything put into a pie crust and baked. My girlfriend Kathy found the recipe 25 years ago and shared it with me. It has been a favorite of mine. The 21st century version uses Steak, pork and chicken but with the same sauce and seasonings. Very rich and very good.

I wish everyone a wonderful Thanksgiving Holiday.

God Bless,

Margaret

I am done wallowing

I have been wallowing in self pity for the first part of this week. I have been having a lot of body pain, tiredness and looked up the side affects of a drug I have to take for he next 5 years (Femara). Because I had an hormone receptor positive breast tumor, I am supposed to take Femara which prevents my body from making estrogen. The side effects and percentages experiencing them are as follows: bone pain 69%, muscle pain 69%, lethargy 58% and extreme temp regulation problems 89%. Apparently this generation of drugs has less side affects that Tamoxifan which they used to use (that must have been awful). I can't imagine having to take this FREAKIN DRUG for 5 years!!!! I hope these oncologists know what they are doing. I feel like by the time I stop taking the drug I will be too old to have any fun. I really thought this decade of my life was going to be great and so far it has been Really Really CRAPPY. So I have been in my bed wallowing for the last two days.

Today I am officially done wallowing. I got out of bed and took the dogs to the beach and walked in the sun and soaked up the ocean air. I thanked God for all the blessings that I have been given and will once again focus on the positive and not the negative.

My Friend Ally as Wonder Woman & Mike as Clark Kent

I had lunch yesterday with my friend Allyson. It was great to catch up. Last time we got together I had no hair. Now I don't look so much like a cancer patient......just a woman with a penchant for a butch haircut. Ally had a Kick Ass Halloween costume this year. I asked her for some photos to post. She was Wonder Woman and her boyfriend Mike was Clark Kent. I think Ally makes a perfect Wonder Woman.....ahhh to be young again.

First horseback ride in 8 months

I decided that I am well enough to ride Monique even though my back and neck have been so sore. This morning I got up early, put on my riding gear and went out to the barn. They didn't have a mounting block so I used a big rock to help me get on to my tall mare. I put my leg up on the rock to hoist myself up and almost fell over. I didn't realize that my leg wasn't strong enough to pull up my weight. Then I put my foot in the stirrup and lifted my right leg over the horse. Just as I did that Monique stepped forward and I almost fell off. This lack of balance and strength was surprising to me and completely unexpected. We started off down the trail. I was expecting my old horse that is so sensitive and tuned into my aids. This was not the case and it was like riding a strange horse. Monique has been used as a lesson horse for the last year. Many different people ride her with many different riding abilities. A good safe lesson horse has to be able to handle many different styles of riding and the many different ways people ask her perform. I guess it is like giving your pet dog to someone else for a year. Then after having no contact for a year expecting your dog to be tuned into your commands and to respond to you.

My friend Kim has really helped me financially by taking care of Monique and I am so grateful. Monique loves her new job as a lesson horse and is teaching many people young and old to ride. I didn't realize that I would loose her in this process. It no longer feels like she is my horse and It makes me long for the way things used to be.

Changing what I put into my body

I have had a horribly painful stiff neck for the last 3 months. It is so bad that I can't turn my head and my shoulders and upper back sometime spasm with pain. I decided i needed to see a chiropractor and one was recommended by a friend I trust. What I didn't realize was this woman is a holistic practitioner and approaches patients with not only manipulation, but nutritional supplements, homeopathy and healthful foods. I have always thought these kind of people are a little be crazy and have never liked extreme diets. However since my 2nd cancer diagnosis in 2007, I have had a terrible diet. It consist mostly of lots of coke (12 cans per day), candy, beef, rice and potatoes. My ostomy has prevented me from eating fruits and vegetables and anything with fiber. Mostly I don't like to eat and would be happy just drinking cokes all day. I would not recommend that someone eat the way I do.

This Doctor said that I had to get off the diet cokes and get rid of the sugar. So for the last week and 1/2, I have been drinking 3 quarts a day (1 Qt. for each 50 lbs of body weight). No artificial sweeteners are allowed so I am allowed to use RAW Organic honey and Agave syrup. My sugar frosted flakes have been replaced with regular corn flakes. Next come the organic dairy, beef and poultry. My first inclination is to dismiss this as the thinking of a bunch of wackos.and go back to drowning my sorrows in many many cokes.. But then I reflect upon the fact that I have had 3 very serious cancers in 5 years. I don't seem to be doing a very good job of keeping myself cancer free, I guess it can't hurt to try something different and makes some sense. At this point, I don't have much to loose. I just have to try not to get annoyed with people trying to make food as indedeible as possible.

From Derek.....

The following is an actual question on a University of Arizona chemistry mid term and an actual answer turned in by a student.

The answer by one student was so ‘profound’ that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.


One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely .. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that “It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has already frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct … leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why last night, Teresa kept shouting “Oh My God!”



(the student got an A+)

Surgery scheduled

I saw my surgeon today to schedule my surgery. I was feeling uneasy about having this surgery right away. I still have some sort of low grade skin infection and am still very tired. To my surprise, his first available date was right before Thanksgiving. I thought if he isn't in a hurry than neither am I. Thanksgiving 2004 I was so sick from the chemotherapy and radiation that I could only stumble out of bed to barely eat a Marie Calendar Frozen Turkey dinner. Thanksgiving Day 2007 they released me from the hospital after being diagnosed with inoperable cancer and with an ostomy (talk about depressing). I'll be damned if I am going to celebrate another Thanksgiving in the hospital or recovering from more surgical indignities. I have scheduled my surgery for Nov. 30th. That way I can have a good Thanksgiving and should be better by Christmas.

More Pics

Me, Amy, Ray and Rich (my son)
Dad, Bonnie and Rich (my brother)
Derek Darling

wedding pictures

Amy and Ray
Amy, Ray, Richard and Bonnie
Ray and his Dad Jack

I am back home

I had a wonderful time up in Northern CA. Besides getting my daughter married, I was able to see some wonderful friends. I stayed with my brother Rich and his wife Bonnie and they were great hosts and tireless wedding planners. We had a bit of drama the day of the wedding. I got a call from Amy the morning of her wedding saying that she had been up all night with vomiting and diarrhea. By 9:30 that morning she still couldn't get out of the bathroom (wedding was at 2:00). Rich immediately called the pharmacy to find out what over the counter medicine we could use. I have the best anti-nausea/vomiting meds on the planet (unfortunately the were all in SD). When I got to Amy's house she was so sick and was crying because we were going to have to cancel the wedding. I knew if we could stop her vomiting and if she could get a few hours sleep we might be able to go forward with the wedding. I called Grandma Jo and asked that she and the family start praying for Amy. Luckily Amy had some really good girlfriends and they came over with a van to pack things up. Then Rich, Bonnie and I packed the rest of the stuff in two cars and drove the wedding/reception place which was a 45 minute drive from San Jose. Derek was driving up that day from San Diego and he was meeting us at the reception area to help us set up. As you all know, this was a "do it yourself" wedding and Amy had made all the plans. We all were depending upon having Amy there to direct us. So with no Amy we all did our best to set up tables, chairs, arrange flowers and generally decorate the place. The guests started rolling in at 2:00 and there was still no bride or no groom. At this point, I wasn't sure if we were going to have a wedding or just a big party. Finally at 2:30 she finally answered her cell phone and she was and Ray were 10 minutes from the wedding/reception place. I told all the friends and family that the bride was on her way to gather down by the pond where the wedding was taking place. Once the bride and groom got there, everything went as planned. I was so completely exhausted and drained by that time I was really not much help. Derek, my Dad, Barbara, Rich, Bonnie and my son Rich and {Ginny, Emily, Nenna and Margarite} worked so hard to make sure the wedding went well for Amy and Ray. They were all tireless workers and I don't know what I would have done without them. I have posted a few of the wedding pictures. I still need to get the other pictures off of Derek's camera, More to come....