Rich left today

Rich and I had a very nice visit. I had hoped to be able to do more but I couldn't get out of bed all day Sat. We were planning to go out to dinner that night to celebrate his birthday and I was disappointed that I didn't have the energy. Of course, Rich was very understanding. He made dinner for Derek and me on Friday (see picture). He grilled chipolte marinated rib eye steaks, rose mary potatoes, grilled summer squash and My very favorite ( Heirloom tomatoes, fresh mozzarella, avocado, & basil). Rich and I picked up some "Growlers" of beer from Rock Bottom Brewery. Derek, Rich and I drank way too much beer Friday evening...hmmm maybe that's why I couldn't get out of bed on Sat.

I was very sad to see him leave today. It won't be long before I see him in Oct. for Amy's wedding.

My son Rich will be visiting for the weekend

Rich will be flying in tomorrow mid afternoon. I was hoping his girlfriend Ally could join us but she starts school on Monday and it doesn't look like it will work out. I am feeling better than the beginning of the week. The only thing I have done this week is drive to radiation and back. Richard just had his 27th birthday so we need to go out and celebrate. I am also hoping that he will want to see the movie "Inglorious Bastards".....I am not sure if he likes Q. Tarantino movies.

It was 84 degrees when I left the house at 9:00 AM this morning. It is so hot and humid outside that I have been afraid to have the dog walker walk the dogs. Wily is older and very sensitive to the heat. Fergus is jet black and will simply collapse and refuse to go on if he gets too hot on his walks. I don't want the dog walker to have stroke trying to cary 120 lbs. of Fergus back home.
Hopefully our air conditioning will be installed and functional by the end of the day.

Not feelin so hot

I have felt like crap for the last 3 days. I was feeling quite spunky towards the end of last week and decided to take a trip out to see the horses. I was enjoying myself so much that I didn't want to go home. Obviously I overdid it and am paying the price of being bed ridden with exhaustion the nausea. I saw the Doctor today before radiation and my blood counts are normal so I must be starting to feel the affects of the radiation. Lots of redness and soreness the entire left side of my chest. I have been treating this with Aloe Vera plant from my backyard.

The great news is that Derek has given the OK to install air conditioning. I have never had air conditioning anywhere I have lived so I am very excited. The weather has been extremely hot and sticky and I can't wait to close up the house and have cool air!!! I feel a bit guilty because I am not being a good world citizen by using more electricity. I will try to only use it when it gets really hot.

Cancer treatment circa 2009

Many of you have asked questions about where to you go for Chemo and how is it administered. I have also been asked about how radiation works. How long does it take what is the instrument like. I decided to have my nurses take some pictures at the oncology center and the radiation center to show what it is like.

The oncology infusion center is a big room with about 12 lazyboy recliners. Each patients has their own recliner where they sit anywhere from 30 minutes to 5 hours getting their chemotherapy. The picture was taken this week when I was getting an infusion of iron into the port in my chest. BTW: It is really working to give me more energy

The other pictures show me on the table where I go every morning to get radiated. If you notice the instrument moves around the patent's body 360 degrees. Initially they use Xrays to determine where the radiation site is located. Then they line you up with lasers and tattoo 3 marks that are used each day to calibrate the instrument to your body. Each morning they align the laser with my 3 tattoos (one between my breasts, one on my left side of my breast and one on the right side of my breast). They use 4 fields and it takes about 5 min. to complete the process.

On a funny note: Normally your breasts are exposed during this process. The nurses asked me before they took the pictures, Do you want your breast exposed or do you want us to cover you up. I chuckled and said "I don't think I am liberated enough to expose my breasts on the Internet. So this isn't entirely and accurate picture.

Please pray for the Garfinkles

I just received a call from Kim with some terrible news. My friend and horse vet (Christie) and her husband (Gary) just lost their home and all their belongings in a fire. If that isn't bad enough..... their beloved dogs and birds were also killed in the fire. Christie and Gary are beside themselves with grief. Christie told Kim that it is her animals that always help her through the tough times and now she and Gary no longer have them for support. They can't stop thinking that they suffered a horrible painful death.

This is the most generous and loving couple. Christie was the vet who was able to diagnose, treat and cure Monique when she had a horrible front end lameness 4 years ago that almost ended her riding career. When I got sick last year, she and Gary volunteered their time to come out and treat the arthritis in Mo's hocks (the equivalent of our ankles) at no charge. They have an incredible sensitivity and kindness to both animals and humans.

I am so so sad for their loss.

dreaming

Ever since I can remember, I have experienced vivid dreams at night. As a small child, these were often nightmares. I don't think my poor parents got a continuous nights sleep until I was well into elementary school. Most nights I remember my dreams and always entertain Derek with my latest night time adventures and exapades. I observed an interesting phenomena with this last round of chemotherapy. The entire time I was going through chemotherapy I didn't dream. The first two times I went through chemotherapy (2004 and 2007), I was so ill and so drugged up with narcotics that I don't have much recolection of the chemo experience let alone if I dreamed or not.

I have just started to dream again the last week or so. I am so happy to know that my dream life is back. I think because my life is kind of boring right now, I make up for that with very exciting, weird, night time adventures. The scientist in me wonders what is it about this particular chemotherapy drug that makes dreaming go away. I wonder if all people experience this or just me.

Has anyone else heard of this phenomena?

Checking back in

I just realized it had been almost a week since I last posted. I don't have much to report. I started radiation treatment last Monday and have had 5 days of radiation. I have 5 weeks or 25 more days treatments before I am done. I have already been experiencing discomfort but nothing I can't deal with. I have good days and bad days. I was able to drive out to Show Park this week to spend an hour or so at a horse show. I can't believe how weak I am and how quickly I get tired. I haven't lost any weight during this bout of cancer. As a matter of fact, I have been noticing that my clothes are getting a little tight. I am very anxious to get the port removed from my chest that they installed for the chemotherapy. It is itching and burning and causes pain. I will speak with Dr. Hodgins on Tue. to see if I can schedule the removal. I am not sure if they will do that procedure while I am undergoing radiation but it is driving me crazy and I worry about infection.

My friend Andrea sent me 2 really good books for my birthday. One is Elizabeth Edward's book "Resilience". This book really spoke to me as a cancer survivor. It is not salacious at all....but the story of a woman's battle with loss: loss of a son, loss of her health and loss of trust in her life partner. The other book is "The Survivor's Club" This book is so fascinating. It has nothing to do with cancer but is all about why certain people are able to survive extreme situations, like airplane crashes, bizare accidents, suicides....etc. It goes into personality traits, religious beliefs and why some people are lucky. I highly recommend this book.

Dinner out

Derek, Amy and I went out to dinner last night for my birthday. The restaurant had a beautiful view of the Harbor and Coronado Island. We had such a nice time. We ate great seafood, talked and laughed. We got to see the sunset and the lights come on in the city.

Amy left to drive back north this afternoon. Who would have guessed this would end up being such a great week. Great news medically and then a surprise visit by my daughter.

BTW: My sigmoid oscopy results were again negative (which is good). Amy held my hand during the entire procedure. I am not even going to go into my interaction with the colorectal surgeon (which was not great). I feel too happy to start back in bashing the doctors I have "issues" with. I will take the high road....this time!

Birthday Surprise!!!

I went to bed early last night because I haven't been sleeping well. About 10:00 I heard a big commotion of dogs getting all excited and galloping up the stairs into our bedroom. Derek leaned over the bed and said "Dear I have a surprise for you!" I turned over and there was Amy standing behind Derek. I couldn't believe my eyes. I had no idea that she was planning to surprise me. This morning when I woke up I was thinking.....was that real!!! I went out into the hallway and saw the dogs sleeping outside the guest room door and then I knew I wasn't dreaming. It is going to be a great birthday. She brought me a birthday cake from Icing on the Cake (my favorite bakery in Los Gatos).

She is going with me to for Moral support when I have the "procedure" with my colorecectal surgeon. What a great daughter

Life is Good!!!

GREAT NEWS RE: PET

Dr. Hodgins called me today and my PET is negative. That means there is no detectable cancer in my body!!! I am so happy. Even though I feel like CRAP, I can't wipe the smile off of my face. I am so grateful to all of you for your prayers and healing thoughts. I couldn't have made this far without all of your support. I still have some more "stuff" to go through but it is all bearable knowing that I am going to be fine.

God Bless!

Margaret

Oncologist Rant!

I had my PET/CT today and then went to my oncologist to check my blood work and then get an infusion of iron. I knew the PET results would be ready for my oncologist by end of day tomorrow so I stopped by the receptionist to make an appointment with him to get my results. The soonest appointment I could get was next Thursday because he was out of town Thu and Fri of this week and booked the beginning of next week. I was so pissed off!!! The radiologist wants to start radiation next Monday and that is dependent upon the results of the PET scan. This A-hole has me scared to death with thoughts of metastasis to my lung and liver and his office wants me to wait over a week for the results and then totally screw up my radiation schedule( I DON"T THINK SO!!). My radiation Doc (Dr. Hodgins) is trying to start my treatment right away so I can be strong enough to go to Amy's wedding (Bless his heart). I am supposed to see Dr. Hodgins this Thu for final appointment before getting started. I asked his nurse to if she could let him know to pull up the PET results tomorrow afternoon so we could go over on Thu. She said this is highly unusual and my oncologist should be giving me the results. I told her let Dr. Hodgins know the situation and I am sure he will make an exception. Thank Goodness Dr. Hodgins is a very kind compassionate man. I know he will wave protocol to get me what I need.

lots of medical stuff this week

Today I saw Dr. Hodgins my radiation oncologist to get set up for my radiation schedule. They made the form (that holds me in place) and did my three tatoos ( to align me with the laser on the instrument). Dr. Hodgins will then create the program the instrument will use to radiate my breast for the next 7 weeks.
Tomorrow morning I have a PET scan to look for any reoccurance of my anal cancer. Tomorrow afternoon they hook me up to an IV to infuse me with iron because I am so anemic. Wed. I have an appointment with my psychotherapist that deals with cancer patients. I have no medical stuff on Thu. Friday I am seeing my colorectal surgeon for a sigmoidoscopy to figure out why I am having some "issues" up there. My colorectal surgeon has his exam room set up for maximum discomfort and maximum humiliation. I always leave that place in tears feeling like I have been violated. Can't wait until the week is over!!

Third dog....PLEASE!!!!!

I am feeling quite a bit better and had the energy to take Fergus and Wiley to the local dog park. It is a really mellow environment. The humans can sit on picnic benches under big old oak trees and the doggies frolic with each other in the grass. Fergus zeroed in a little dog to bark at incesently to try and make him run so that they could play "chase". Most little dogs and their owners get extremely intimidated by this behavior so many times Fergus ends up back on his leash for a"time out". This little guy named Augie was completely fearless. He would tolorate a little bit of Fergus nonsense and then bear his teeth and lunge at Fergus repeatedly until Fergus backed off. I was talking with Augie's owner and it ended up that Augie was being fostered by this woman who had found him as a stray. She had taken him to the vet got him neurtered up to date on his shots and now he was available for adoption. I was completely smitten..he has the cutest little face. I was having visions of watching TV with Augie curled up on my lap, sleeping next to me in bed.

Now the hard part.....how do I convince Derek that we should get a 3rd dog when Derek didn't even want 2 dogs. I carefully put together my argument. Wiley is getting older and why not get a replacement dog now so it won't be so traumatic when her time comes. Augie is young and would give Fergus a playmate (Wiley is getting too old to play). Augie is small and won't eat a lot. I have always wanted a lap dog and this guy has big dog personality in a lapdog size. My Birthday is coming up and you won't have to shop for a present. And if all that fails, I could go for the pitty ploy. I have CANCER and this would make me so happy and help to make this time go faster.

Well I tried all of the above and nothing worked. I am still going to try working on Derek but I don't think a Augie is going to be a part of our family.